Smash Brothers Music
by Vaati's Apprentice
Summary: The judgemental members of the Super Smash Brothers are back. This time, they're talking about music and the effect it has on people.


Well, you guys wanted more. So I'm going to give you more. Who knows, maybe I will make this into a series of one-shots. Maybe. Anyway, music is another hot button issue with me. I enjoy alternative rock and country (that's right, country, so sue me). A wierd combination, I know. But it's what I like. And I am disgusted with the music that the majority of people listen to. Read the fic for more details. I do not own the Super Smash Brothers or any other games that are mentioned.

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"Hello againe, as allways, I'm Link of the Super Smash Brothers." Link said.

"And it's-a me, Mario. Today we will-a be looking at-a the different kinds of-a music that are popular, but really-a shouldn't be." Mario said.

"That's right, though you think that your society is moving foreward at a fast pace, we now have reason to believe that you are actually moving backwards. And that is due to the types of music that you listen to. Now, people may not like us for scrutinizing music, but we're going to anyway. Here againe with the stats is my girlfriend Zelda." Link said.

"Thanks againe honey. At one point in time, music was a beutifull reflection of the composers soul. Like the serenade that Link played for me the first night that we made love. But now, as you can see by this chart, music can now be divided into two categories. Music where people talk, and music where people scream. And neither of them are very good for my long ears." Zelda said.

"That's right, allow me to elaborate. Music where people talk is basically a compilation of cuss words. And it always involves meaningless sex with people you met ten minutes ago. It also containes alot of complaining about life in 'the hood' where people apparently have nothing better to do but smoke pot and shoot people. Hah, and society blames video games for all the crime in the world." Link said.

"And-a music where people scream-a is by mentally disturbed people with-a black hair, black nails, black eye liner, and-a liquid paper white-a faces. We-a called that Haloween when-a I was young. The songs-a consist of-a inaudible screaming. And if-a you manage to-a translate it into actuall words-a. You will soon-a wish you hadn't. Since it-a containes nothing but-a lyrics about death-a, suicide and cutting yourself-a." Mario said.

"We had our own Samus Aran conduct an experiment. Here to show her results, is Samus." Link said.

"Thanks Link. Well, I've been conducting an experiment for the past week wich can be considered child cruelty. Young Link was given four hours of goth music each day. And Ness was given four hours of rap each day." Samus said.

"Hey bitch, how 'bout you and me go back to my crib and have a little 'fun'?" Ness said to Samus. His hat was turned to the side, he was wearing sunglasses, a large money sign medallian, a black jacket, and a 'joint' hanging out of the corner of his mouth.

"See, it hasn't even been one minute and he already wants to have sex with her. I don't care how many times you play God of War or Grand Theft Auto, video games won't make you do that." Link said.

"What does it matter who we have sex with? We're all going to die someday." Young Link said solemly. His hair had been dyed black, all his clothes were black, he had black nail polish on, he had black eye shadow, and it appeared that his face had been bleached.

"You see? Just as I-a described." Mario said.

Just then, the lights dimmed and a disco ball dropped down from the cieling and cheesy music played while bright lights flashed. Then, of all people, Ganondorf danced out with a big orange afro, a white jacket and bell-bottom pants with glitter on them, and platform shoes.

Before he could continue, Samus shot a charged power beam at the disco ball. "Hey, couldn't you see I was bustin a move?" Ganondorf asked.

"What I saw was a middle aged man trying to do God only knows what." Samus said.

"I have a name you know, and it's Groovindorf." Ganon... er, Groovindorf said.

"OK, and what exactly are you doing?" Link asked.

"Well it's just like you said, with music the way it is it's more like we're going backwards instead of forewards. If we go backwards enough, we may go to the time where you were not born yet. Therefore, you will cease to exist. And then I shall rule Hyrule! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Groovindorf said.

"Sounds like old Ganon finally went off the deep end." Link whispered to Zelda.

"Well all I know is, you better not do that againe. Or I'll bust a cap in yo ass." Ness said, pulling out an Uzi.

"Well, Young Link thinks it's a good plan. Don't you Young Link?" Groovindorf asked. Young Link simply hissed demonically at him. Groovindorf jumped back, obviousely scared of his young nemises.

"Don't worry Groovindorf, I'm here to help." a voice came.

"Oh, by the goddesses." Zelda said, rubbing her forehead in frustration.

The source of her frustration was the fact that Bowser danced out wearing an outfit similar to Groovindorf's. "I'm-a afraid to ask, but-a who are you-a?" Mario asked.

"My name is Boogyowser. And we shall defeat you all with these!" Boogyowser proclaimed while holding up his fist, wich had an odd looking ring on it. Groovindorf and Boogyowser put their rings together and yelled in unison "FORM OF... PIE!!!".

With that, they both turned into bananna cream pies. They stayed like for about a minute before reverting back to their original forms. "Now how did you like that?" Boogyowser asked.

"What was-a the point of that-a?" Mario asked.

"Nothing really, we just think it's cool." Groovindorf said.

"No, it's really not." Zelda said.

"Are you guys going to be much longer? We only have this studio for ten minutes before Master Hand takes it so he can help produce Alien vs. Predator 2." Link said.

"You better say that you're done. Or I'm gonna cut you up so bad, that you're gonna wish... uuh, that I didn't cut you up so bad." Ness said, drawing a knife.

"Just one more thing. The first rule of building an evil disco dance studio is, always build two." Boogyowser said, pulling out a controller and pushing the button. With that, the disco ball the music and the lights came back on. And Groovindorf and Boogyowser danced horribly off beat.

"Aah, screw it. Come on Zelda, let's go play Gears of War." Link said.

"OK, but I get to be Dom." Zelda said, following her boyfriend out of the room. Everyone else but Young Link, who was apparently too depressed to get out of his chair, followed them out.

"Someone please kill me." Young Link said as the music and dancing started to get to him.

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There you go. You wanted more and you got more. I know that not every band or singer is like I described. But the majority of them are. And I just became aware of how corny Ganondorf and Bowser's disco names are. Anyway, leave a review on your way out.


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